bieber tattoo

Justin Bieber’s Tattoo

Although I am a tad disappointed that Justin Bieber got a tattoo, I gotta admit…

I KINDA LOVE IT!

bieber tattoo

FILE UNDER: Beeb, Ink.

bronx cobra, cobra bronx zoo

Fugitive 3

So, I don’t understand why Tommy Lee Jones wasn’t able to track down the Bronx Zoo Cobra.  How hard could it be?

a) Check local drug stores within a 60mi radius for any suspicious cobras buying hair coloring products.

b)Check all magic/novelty stores for any cobras buying fake mustaches.

c) Secure all gas station bathrooms for any unusual cobra activity.

A, B, C… always bust cobras. Boom, ya got em!  This is cobra fugitive 101. Rookie stuff.

bronx cobra, cobra bronx zoo

FILE UNDER: Tommy may need a desk job

Turquoise Jewelry

Let’s be very clear… There are only 2 types of people whom are allowed to wear turquoise jewels: Native Americans & Female Fortune Tellers.

FILE UNDER:  Stop that. For reals.

Antlers

I’ve had the opportunity to wear antlers several times.  I’m totally not homophobic, but I always declined because I thought they might make me look gay.

FILE UNDER: Most fabulous Christmas ever.

freckles

Freckles

In hell, everyone has twice as many freckles as Julianne Moore.

freckles

Hope

Most of the time, hope is good.  But sometimes, hope can blind us from accepting truth.

R&B Album

Basketball Shorts & A Boner” (Track 1 – if I ever record an R&B album)

Fear

If I wasn’t afraid of being kicked… I’d pretty much slap horses on their ass’ 24/7.

Old Hands

FILE UNDER: Not allowed anywhere near my wiener

corn

CORN

I eat my corn using a neck brace harmonica holder.

corn